Leading and Identifying Your Core Values: A Guide to Authentic Living
In Episode 58 of My Therapist is Out!, we had the incredible opportunity to sit down with Crystal Whiteaker from Crystal Lily Creative to explore the profound impact of leading with core values. As LGBTQ+ individuals, our values shape not only our identities but also how we navigate relationships, career paths, activism, and self-care. Yet, identifying and living by these values can be a challenge—especially when we’ve been conditioned to prioritize external expectations over our own needs.
So, what does it really mean to lead with your core values, and how do you begin the process of identifying them? Let’s dive in.
What Are Core Values, and Why Do They Matter?
Your core values are the guiding principles that define who you are and what matters most to you. They influence your decisions, shape your interactions, and provide clarity in times of uncertainty. When you’re not aligned with your values, you may feel disconnected, frustrated, or overwhelmed by choices that don’t feel quite right.
Reflection Question: What moments in your life have made you feel most fulfilled and authentic? What values were present in those experiences?
How to Identify Your Core Values
Crystal Whiteaker emphasizes the importance of intentional self-reflection in identifying core values. Here are some steps to start this process:
List what matters most. Write down themes, words, or concepts that resonate with you—things like authenticity, justice, compassion, creativity, or security.
Look for patterns. What keeps showing up in your relationships, career, or personal choices? Which values have remained consistent, and which have evolved?
Examine where you feel discomfort. Often, when we feel out of alignment, it's because we are acting against a core value. Pay attention to moments that feel inauthentic or draining.
Refine and prioritize. Narrow your list down to 5–7 values that feel deeply important to you.
Reflection Question: When making big decisions, do you feel confident that they reflect your true values, or do you often feel pulled by external pressures?
Living in Alignment with Your Values
Identifying your values is just the first step—leading with them requires courage, consistency, and self-compassion. Here’s how to integrate your values into your daily life:
Set boundaries that reflect your values. If authenticity is one of your values, say no to situations where you feel pressured to be someone you’re not.
Surround yourself with aligned community. Seek out LGBTQ+ spaces and relationships where your values are shared and honored.
Advocate for what matters to you. Whether in the workplace, activism, or personal life, make choices that reflect your core beliefs.
Reflection Question: In what ways can you make small but meaningful changes to bring your daily life more in line with your values?
Leading with Confidence and Clarity
When you are clear on your values, decision-making becomes easier, relationships become more intentional, and self-trust deepens. As Crystal Whiteaker reminds us, values-led leadership isn’t just for CEOs and activists—it’s for all of us who want to create lives rooted in authenticity and purpose.
As you continue exploring your values, give yourself permission to grow. Your values may evolve, and that’s okay. What matters is that you keep checking in with yourself and making choices that align with who you truly are.
Reflection Question: How do you want to show up for yourself and your community moving forward?
Living Your Values, Loud and Proud
When we identify and lead with our core values, we’re not just defining what matters to us—we’re building a foundation for integrity, resilience, and connection. For LGBTQ+ folks, especially those holding intersectional identities, this process is both deeply personal and inherently political. As Crystal Whiteaker shared in Episode 58 of My Therapist is Out, values-aligned leadership is about being brave enough to live authentically, and compassionate enough to honor how others are doing the same in their own way. So, take time to reflect, reimagine, and reclaim your values as tools for healing and transformation—especially during life changes that challenge your sense of identity and direction. What does it look like to live your truth more boldly this year? And who might you become if your values led the way? You can explore this more on our Life Changes page.